DISCLAIMER
The following is highly controversial, and may prompt you to call me
‘Insensitive.' If you are easily offended by beliefs incompatible to
your own, stop reading immediately. Also, this whole thing is kind of a
joke, even though I’m being serious the whole way through.
Feel free to share your thoughts on any of the following items. But
please please don’t correct my
grammar/punctuation, because
I don't give a fuck Idgaf.
SOCIALISM Completely inconsistent with all other natural processes in the universe. Equality is great, but not when hard work is undermined. This is not something that ought to be forced. Seriously, you have no idea how much this backwards way of thinking pisses me off.
FLIPPY HAIRIts kind of surprising to see that some of the folks I grew up with in
middle school/ high school STILL have not grown out of the flippy hair
stage. Most kids grow out of this at age 17 or 18. Then again its not
that surprising, because these were the kids who tried so desperately to
fit in no matter what the cost. These were the kids that would gladly
sell their soul for $5 off at hot topic. Dying your hair black and
covering one eye does not make you cool; it makes you a pussy.
Grow up.
RELIGION (particularly that of a Hindu origin)
Now is the time that your intelligence will be insulted. So please if
you are easily offended, STOP reading this immediately. Assuming of
course that people are actually reading this. Aside from the fact that
religion has responsible for many, many wars and murders, lets run
through a typical scenario that an average, Indian kid goes
through growing up in a religious household. This may or may not relate
to you, but I can relate to it in a couple ways.
You grow up in a moderate or strict religious household, be it Hindu,
protestant, jewish, or muslim, to an extent it doesn’t matter which
one. You become a teenager and gradually begin to see the world through
your own eyes (hopefully), in the same way that you would remove
training wheels from a bicycle. This might include rebelling against
your parents and rejecting the religion you were brought up with, but
you come crawling back to it whenever you want something really bad.
High school comes along, and you finally get what you’ve always wanted.
It could be getting a
boyfriend/girlfriend, or just feeling that you are
apart of something. Thanks be to god, you are reunited with your
religion once again.
You leave home for college and broaden your horizons, learning about
science, mathematics, world history, and whatever.To state
the obvious, at least some of the material you learn contradicts your
own religious beliefs (evolution, the big bang, etc). Your still
clinging on to it, but now your facing a dilemma: which one to choose-
science, or your religion? The answer is simple: you choose both.
Neither philosophies specifically say anywhere that you can’t force/glue
them together. The bible/torah/koran/vedas doesn’t say anywhere that
dinosaurs didn’t exist. And even though the world was created in 7 days
doesn’t mean that none of what you learned didn’t happen. Gods years
must be much longer than our years. Now you’re satisfied. It all works
out. By forcefully gluing science and religion together, you
successfully dodged a bullet. Next semester you take a world history
course. You learn that your the specific denomination of the specific
branch of your religion, narrow as it may be, was not always the correct
one. Nope, it is simply a product of evolution and maybe a great schism
here and there.
AFTERLIFE
Just kidding, Im not. I’ll be a little more sensitive about belief in an
afterlife, since its impossible to know what EXACTLY you go through
when you die. I will first address the lucky people who have died and
been revived. Almost all of them see a bright light at the end of a
tunnel, most of them see their family/loved ones, important landmarks in
their life, and some even see God. The closer you get to the bright
light (the less oxygen getting to your brain), the further you drift
away from consciousness. And then all of a sudden you are back, with an
amazing, inspiring, and true story to share with the world.
Ever heard of the DMT? Its a naturally occurring substance found in
many plants, and most mammals. It can also be synthesized in labs, and
sold on the streets to people who like to trip balls. When you die, or
get close to death, you are simply hallucinating from the DMT produced .
I dunno about you, but I find it comforting to know that just before my
brain flickers for the last time, I will be tripping balls.
What irritates me most about belief in an afterlife is how people
who have had near death experiences call their stories “proof that god
exists and of an afterlife.” How dumb are you? They're just brain
waves/signals. That’s like saying that everything you encounter on your
acid trip actually happened. I’m sorry, but your perspective does not =
reality. Some people just don’t get that. (In fact, I would even go as
far as saying that “reality” is invisible to the human eye. I mean cmon,
our eyes can only detect a small fraction of the electromagnetic
spectrum. There is so much we are are not seeing!)
Also, I dismiss the concept of life after death because its just so
ignorant. Most denominations assume that they are the lucky ones that
get to go to heaven, and everyone else gets to spend eternity in a fire
pit (btw, what kind of fatherly figure would do such a thing?). Out of
all the different religions, what are the odds that you are right and
everyone else is wrong? I’m afraid its not looking very good for anyone.
If everything I have just said about an afterlife is not news to
you, yet you still choose to believe, then I’m happy for you. I’m not
being sarcastic. God is just one more resource to turn to during those
darker times, like family or close friends. While I perceive the voice
of God to be everyone’s subconscious, steering us in the right moral
direction, you perceive him to be an all-knowing, all-mighty, and loving
father-like figure. As long as you leave it at that, I encourage you to
keep on keeping on. Do what makes you happy, as long as what makes you
happy doesn’t involve killing people who don’t agree with you. After
all, belief in a higher power doesn’t exist for no reason, and it didn’t
come to be for no reason. If it were just some arbitrary code of
behavior, I don’t think it would even be around in the first place. I
perceive it to be just another product of our (seemingly) sophisticated
cognitive abilities, risen from tens of thousands of years of human
evolution. It has been developing along side us the entire time. Thats
my take on the whole thing.
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
Still not done bashing your beliefs. Some of you have managed to find a
middle ground between believing in God, and not believing in God. No
particular religion is involved, but they still cling on to the whole
‘higher power’ bit. They look at nature’s complex precesses (the double
helix shape of DNA, complex molecules, formation of galaxies, etc) and
figure that someone has to be behind it all. Isn’t it odd that as time
goes by and we make new discoveries, our own view of ourselves gets
diminished exponentially? First it was that the planets, stars, moon and
sun don’t revolve around us, but we revolve around the sun. Then it was
that we are sitting on just 1 of 8(9) planets that revolve around the
sun. Then it was that we are part of just 1 of many solar systems. Now,
we believe that we sit on a rock that orbits a star that orbits a galaxy
that is still just one of many. That pattern persists. My
interpretation of all this is that the world does not exist for us to
exploit, like we once thought. Rather, we exist for the universe to
exploit.
Btw, the reason I believe that we are sitting on a rock in the
middle of a cold, calculating universe is because it is supported by
controlled experiments, observations, the scientific method, and it is
consistent. Its not much, but its something to go by. Religion has
nothing on science.
PETA
Let me get this straight... Its wrong for me to consume animals, but its ok for animals to eat other animals?
PRO-LIFE
Yeah, its murder. No, I don’t care.
FEMINISTS
You demand rights which you already have, and you reinforce the implied
social norms that counter what you preach. The fact that men make bigger
salaries than you do is because most of you are mothers, not because
your unequal.
99%ERS
If you spent the amount of time actually looking for a job that you
spend occupying your local herp derpery, you would all be employed by
now. But no, instead you sit on your ass holding up a sign with a catchy
phrase that you don’t even understand, while you wait for a wad of cash
to magically appear in your pocket. What a drain on society you guys
are! Stop blaming the government for the poor financial choices you’ve
made and get it together. Also stop blaming hard-working people for
making more money than you do. It’s your own damn fault. If this is your
way of dragging everyone else down with you, you are losing because
nobody gives a shit.
Also, if you really do want to change the way things are run around
hear, the absolute least you could be doing is coming up with a common
cause. Right now you only have one thing in common: you are all a bunch
of fat pigs.
SO-CALLED “MINORITIES”
The sooner you stop labeling yourselves and sub/categorizing everyone
else, the sooner everyone else will forget about your sexual orientation
or what color your skin is. Want to get fully integrated into Indian
society? Stop messing around and drawing attention to yourselves! Its
really annoying.
MYSELF, for writing this whole thing. I definitely could be doing
something more productive right now. I’ve finally come to the end of my
pointless little rant about how I’m right and everyone else is wrong. It
was a HUGE waste of time, but god damn it felt good. What should I do
next? Count how many times I’ve contradicted myself?
Hopefully that last sentence I just said will rescue me from feeling too
stupid. Also, what was the purpose of this, you ask? There wasn’t one.
However, by typing this out I have successfully not studied for finals,
and by reading this you have successfully wasted 5-10 minutes of your
life. Once again, if your offended by anything I just said, idgaf. But
if you agree with it, hit me up so we can hang out some time.
Your Buddy
Kanthala Raghu
