Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of loading up 16 threads of compute instructions and achieving a 4.2 GHz overclock at only 95 watts TDP.

People say to me that a person being a PGA CPU is impossible and I’m f**king retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install an SMT unit, 14 nm FinFET transistors and 16 MB of L3 cache on my body.

From now on I want you guys to call me “Ryzen 7” and respect my right to use DDR4 memory and insert myself into the socket of an X370 motherboard.

If you can’t accept me you’re a computephobe and need to check your Instructions Per Clock privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.