|Humor for the mind...|
I think of myself as hyper curious and hungry for all the knowledge and perspective I can get. Women think of me as exhausting and tedious. People have told me that I let my thoughts stunt my emotions, which is true from a certain perspective. I think that my tendency to always have my thinking mind rationalize and contextualize what's instinctually sent up by my feeling mind is something that I like about myself, no matter how exhausting it can be to me and those around me.
I'm introspective to a fault. I'm detail oriented and big picture minded at the same time. I'm empathetic and quick to venture into potentially uncomfortable territory so I can best understand and relate to someone else. I'm independent and take pride in my ability to provide for and take care of myself and all my dumbass mistakes. I'm a very sociable introvert who doesn't self express unless there's already an established baseline of giving-a-f**k. I'm an open book that anyone can read, should they take the initiative to read it. I'm not an audiobook that'll invade your headspace without your seeking it.
Because of my introversion and tendency to withhold unless convinced that what I have to share will produce some good, some think that I'm shy or cautious. My humility and quickness to self deprecate sometimes makes others think of me as unconfident. This is all false. I'm adventurous, growth oriented, and have been blessed with a set of experiences that have produced an abundance of the type of self confidence that only shows beneath the surface.
I'm not at all motivated by self expression, and those who place a very high value their own self expression can quickly turn me off to wanting to get to know them. I care most about contribution, and questing to understand the infinite things there are in our lives is the best tool I have towards truly contributing the most benevolence I can.
All of these traits combine and can make it pretty tough to find authentic connections with people. Which is probably why I feel the need to pour all this out to a bunch of strangers on the internet. How sad that may or may not be set aside, it's the truth and this makes me really value that level of connection. And I suppose I see that some degree of self expression is important.
I think step one to lifting yourself out of depression is to recognize it. Step two is to understand it. Step three is to relate it to the world around you. Stay aware, stay connected, and do good things friends.
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