Spreading the Goodness in Me

I want to bring a positive outcome from the people whom I've touched (emotionally) in all my life. I have this urge right now, of spreading whatever goodness i have in me to the people i encounter. The other person may be bad or a neutral one, i don't care. But knowing that I'm having a positive impact on someone's life gives me greatest of pleasures & satisfaction.

In my life, I've done very bad things that i am ashamed of telling. You can ask me personally what are those if you're concerned about it. I know sometimes i acted weird, out of my bubble, even cruel. I've always had this one thing towards girls, i have had so much respect (still have) for them from the bottom of my heart. I envy them, they are the most beautiful & elegant creatures i've so far seen. Which is why i'm always protective of them. She may be my mother, sister, or anyone. I'll always have that flair towards them.

Recently i did a mistake, my conscious doesn't let me sleep at night. I want to apologize to her but have no guts to face her. I can only hope that she's reading my blog right now.

I made a mistake now i need to rectify that. I don't know how to apologize. What do you think i should do now ?